I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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