i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
