yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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