we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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