I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
