so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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