so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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