New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
