Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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