I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
