I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart