I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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