question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The air taste purple.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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