I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
