My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
