Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
