thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
