I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize