The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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