let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
