You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
