good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just invented taco cereal.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
