Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
