Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We left the knife in your bed.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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