You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
