So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
