I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
