wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
