I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
