lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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