After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
