whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
