He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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