Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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