I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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