There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
