I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I need to stop coming to work sober
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
two words...techno handjob
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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