yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
