kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Can I color on your dick again?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
