How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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