oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
