Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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