why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
