PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
