Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
