i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
