why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
