She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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