if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
