Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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