You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
