Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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