We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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