I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
