Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
