I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
