At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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