I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
