yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
