She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she looked like the before picture.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
