Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
