how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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