Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
