I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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