i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
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