New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Terrible idea I love it
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
