Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
