If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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