he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
