my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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