he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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