Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
