Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Pants are for mortals
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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