Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize