shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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