Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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