Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
